[Hayden]

Thanks so much for the encouragement, I really appreciate it.

Yes, definitely frustrated. The Pentecostal space is what I find the hardest. For example, when Bible study ends with speaking in tongues and there’s pressure for everyone to participate, I usually just stay silent. It’s often seen as “going to the next level,” but honestly, I find that side of it immature and pretty frustrating.

That said, I do think you’re right , God has allowed churches to continue and even thrive despite getting things wrong. I’m trying to hold that perspective more lightly and just pray on it rather than carry too much emotion.

I’ve had a good conversation with my wife and things are in a good place. My personal requirement is that we don’t do Pentecostal and instead find something I can tolerate, somewhere I can simply hear the Word without pressure. I’m planning to do my study through the Yeshuans leadership program, and just do Sundays with the kids, which feels manageable.

Thanks again for the support — it really means a lot.

[Hayden]

Epic question, keen to hear the response!

[Hayden]

Thanks Dell and everyone else, I really appreciate you all.

Where Anna and I have landed is that we will do church, but we want to find one together that actually works for both of us. For her, church is mainly about community and fellowship, which I respect. For me, I need to be able to genuinely tolerate (and ideally enjoy) being there on a Sunday, otherwise it just breeds resentment.

Pentecostal church really isn’t something I can do long-term, so we’ve agreed to explore other expressions. I’m leaning more towards Orthodox or Presbyterian. I’m drawn to the reverence, structure, and discipline, especially in Orthodoxy. I don’t agree with everything theologically, especially their end times theology, but I really respect the way Christ is honoured and taken seriously, and I think that kind of reverence and discipline could actually be good for me as a husband, a dad, and a person.

So for now, we’re approaching it slowly, together, with honesty, prioritising our marriage, our kids, and peace in our home over forcing anything. That feels like the healthiest path for us at this season.

[Hayden]

Just to add one more thought to this discussion, Sarah Young mentioned on the call-in show that churches often use fear to control their members. A common example is Pentecostal churches constantly emphasising “Jesus is coming soon” and tying current world events to Revelation. That’s something I’m very strongly against and genuinely believe is wrong.

Knowing that this is happening underneath the service makes it really hard for me to justify attending anyway, even if it’s “just for community” or because my wife wants that connection. For me, it’s not a neutral thing, it feels like participating in something I fundamentally disagree with.

A few people have said to just go anyway, but the reality is that many of us have grown up in churches, been deeply involved as kids and young adults, and have come to realise that institutional religion isn’t the answer, that it’s about heart posture toward God, not systems, fear, or control. Because of that lived experience, I really struggle internally with forcing myself to attend when I feel, deep down, how wrong it is.

This is especially difficult when it comes to raising children. How do I reconcile knowingly exposing them to something I believe is unhealthy or fear-based, simply for the sake of community, when I’ve already seen the damage these systems can do?

[Hayden]

Hi Kim! Thanks so much for the amazing advice 🙂

I think what you said to the key find a denominational church that doesn’t push too hard on dogma is the key for now. Guess what scares me the most is that my wife will actually start to really agree with Pentecostal church doctrine if we stay there, I don’t want to her to go down that road cause it’s all just hype and emotionalism. Difference is she’s been a Christian for a couple of years and I’ve been a Christian for 20 years. So I need to accept the fact that she’s a younger Christian than me and I need to let her figure some things out herself with her relationship with Yeshua, even if that means putting up with some dogma for a while… end for the day I did the work to get to this point, lots of study and searching for truth. I know I need to trust that Yeshua will lead her cause he is at the centre of both of us. God bless you

[Hayden]

Mate, this is amazing advise, thank you so much 🙂

[Hayden]

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the thoughtful responses here. I also listened to Shawn’s take on the call-in hour today and found it helpful.

Honestly, I’m still a bit conflicted. Pentecostal expressions are the hardest one for me personally, they’re just not something I resonate with, even though that’s where we seem to keep landing, cause there are so many close to home and my wife likes the fun it brings. I can sit more comfortably in historic traditions (Anglican, Catholic, Orthodox, my great-grandparents were Orthodox after migrating post-WWII), but over time I’ve also realised I don’t actually need the institutional side of church for my own faith.

If I’m being real, going to church right now would be for my wife, not me. I know marriage involves compromise, and I’m trying to navigate that well. Where I struggle is with environments that place pressure on people spiritually or assume authority over conscience, especially around ideas like “levels” of faith. That’s a big tension for me.

My instinct would be much simpler: Sundays as a family, time together, Scripture, prayer, walking it out in real life, and community happening naturally through relationships, not programs. I know others see this differently, and I respect that.

Still figuring this out. Grateful for the wisdom and grace in this space.

[Hayden]

Hey! Yeah it really helped a lot. I can 100% say I’m not a trinitarian… =)

[Hayden]

Hey! Yeah, I listened to that call-in hour — it really cleared a lot up, thanks. I guess what still puzzles me is how someone as well-studied as Wes Huff can spend his whole life researching Scripture — knowing the original languages, the early manuscripts, and church history inside out — and still hold to the Trinity and a futurist view of Christ’s return. It’s like most modern Christians just assume the early church fathers got everything right, and no one’s allowed to question it. The moment you even <em data-start=”628″ data-end=”635″>raise a doubt about the Trinity, you’re branded a heretic. I just find that so strange.

[Hayden]

Thanks for the response. That makes sense. Do you think eternal sonship is Biblical? I’m trying to understand if Jesus became Gods begotten son at birth or after he overcame his flesh… Not sure if I believe in Eternal sonship… seems a bit of a far stretch