Mormon Mission Match-Making

Mormon mission match-making
Hello, my name is Danny and I was a Latter-day Saint for 60 years.
A month ago, I posted a video titled “LDS mission age for girls.” In that episode, I responded to the recent announcement the LDS Church made that girls can now serve a mission as early as 18 years old. That had changed from two recent previous reductions in age – from 21 to 19, and now to 18 years old. Plus, the Church had already lowered the age for males from 19 to 18 years old. Making both boys and girls the same age, when they can enter the mission field.
I addressed the reasons I had behind the LDS Church making that decision to drop the age for both teenage boys and girls as missionaries. I brought up the advantages and disadvantages to the LDS Church. The advantages and disadvantages to 18-year-old girls and boys. And some potential concerns for all parties.
Now, Dallin Oaks, the current President and Prophet of the LDS Church – has responded to questions during a, recent interview with reporters that was recorded in the Salt Lake Tribune on January 12, 2026.
So, I’m going to read directly from the interview transcript. Specifically, President Oak’s response to one question.
Interviewer: “You recently announced that young women can serve missions at age 18 instead of 19. How do you think that will bless the lives of young women across the Church?”
President Oaks: “I think it will increase their time for planning their lives, whether they use their possibility to serve a mission or whether they plan their lives in other directions. It simply increases the options. I also hope that it will reduce the age of marriage. In the time that we have lowered the age for young men and for young women in the past we’ve seen an increase in people who meet someone in the mission field and marry them, which is perfectly appropriate if it doesn’t start too early in the missionary service. I think it’s part of the Lord’s plan to overcome the tendency of waiting until the late 20s to have a first marriage. I think we will see a reduction in the age of marriages for Latter-day Saints.”
Most members of the LDS Church are going to attribute his comments as revelation received from God. But Dallin’s statement is replete with the phrase “I think” and “I hope.” Those terms are synonymous with “I feel” and “I guess.” Not “thus saith the Lord.” So, maybe inspiration instead of revelation would be more acceptable to a true believing Latter-day Saint. However, I think it indicates that his response to the reason behind the missionary age reductions – comes from a personal and institutional desire to stop the hemorrhaging of LDS youth from leaving the Church. And to promote a shorter time frame for young members to marry and quickly begin having children – to multiply and replenish church membership. It is mostly about creating more Mormons to be the lifeblood of the church and to perpetuate its growth.
I need to ask the question here of parents, who have older teenagers thinking about or planning to serve a full-time mission for the LDS Church. Do you think it’s a good idea that your children are considering marriage at such an adolescent age? Now, I realize they won’t marry until they come home from their mission. But they still might be as young as 19 or 20, if they are shopping for a marriage partner on their mission.
This philosophical approach is a complete reversal from the past. Anyone who has served an LDS mission up to this point -knows of the strict rules concerning fraternizing with the opposite sex while on their mission. It has always been a firm position taken by past presidents of the LDS Church that – when a young lady or young man served a mission, it was frowned upon to have any interest or fondness for another missionary. In fact, if it was discovered that there was strong attraction between missionaries or between missionaries and members – the missionaries would be moved or transferred in the opposite direction within the mission. I remember on my mission, a sister missionary telling me she had a dream that I was to be her future husband. I immediately knew it was my responsibility as her Zone Leader to shut that idea down. I didn’t think it was necessary to transfer her, but I clearly explained to her that a mission is not the place nor time to find a spouse. She accepted the explanation and counsel well and went on to be a stalwart missionary.
But that advice in the past has taken a complete about-turn. NOW, Oaks is saying it is “perfectly appropriate if it doesn’t start too early in the missionary service.” What the heck does that even mean? I feel sorry for the poor Mission Presidents and wives, scrambling to interpret what “too early” means. When is not too early – 6 mo. from the end, 3 mo. from the end, or 1 mo. from the end? Can you imagine how complicated and messy this advice will end up being? And the problems it will lead to? I can guarantee the flirtation will begin as early as the MTC. The reality is – these are hormonal driven adolescents with natural desires.
Before now, they were told to suppress those desires and lock their hearts, until after their missions. But now they have been given a green light to begin pursuing those interests while on their missions. Not to ACT on those desires, of course, but to at least entertain them in their minds. Oh boy! What comes to mind is the song from one of my favorite films “Fiddler on the Roof.” The sisters are singing and asking Yenta, the matchmaker, to make them a match. I can just picture untrained mission presidents and wives playing matchmaker. “Hey, honey, don’t you think elder so and so and sister so and so would make a great couple? They are cute together and seem very compatible.” I foresee that kind of undue influence leading to major problems.
Oaks also said, “I think it’s part of the Lord’s plan to overcome the tendency of waiting until the late 20’s to have a first marriage.” What does he mean “I think it’s part of the Lord’s plan?” And what does he mean by “first marriage?” Why does he say those things? He probably knows that early marriage failure rates are not in favor of the first marriage, surviving. Being that the divorce rate within the Church is about 50%. His reasoning might be that since members are probably going to get married a couple of times – at least have your “first marriage” at a young age and start having lots of children. These awkward comments illustrate why aging church leaders should probably not sit for open interviews. They often say cringy things like this.
It just seems slightly inappropriate for a 93-year-old man to recommend that boys and girls find their future spouses while in the mission field. Dallin Oaks never served a mission in his youth, so how can he truly relate. He’s been married and sealed to two different women. So perhaps he’s reflecting the doctrine of the new and everlasting marriage covenant and the principle of plural marriage taught in Doctrine and Covenants Section 132, which is still a core doctrine in their LDS scriptures. Polygamy is no longer allowed to be practiced in this life, but it certainly is required for exaltation in the life here after according to Mormon theology. President Oaks believes he will have both of his wives, who are sealed to him in the next life.
Obviously, Dallin’s focus is not solely on preaching the gospel as missionaries. Now it also includes finding a spouse as missionaries. Joseph Smith wrote Doctrine and Covenants Section 4, which is all about missionary work. It states in part: “Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day. Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work; For behold the field is white already to harvest; And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work.” So how are missionaries to serve now with one eye single to the glory of God, and the other eye on sister what’s-her-name or elder whatchamacallit? I’m not sure splitting attention like that will be very effective in proselytizing work. I mean, how can you serve “with all your heart, might, mind and strength” when you are divided and distracted in other areas? As an active Mormon, I taught mission preparation classes in two different Stakes. I can’t imagine now how those lessons are going to include techniques for finding a wife or a husband on your mission. They’re going to have to rewrite the missionary handbook.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a religious – business corporation. Like any successful organization, it has a business model. When you look at the business strategy of the Church, you see that its objective is to get 19-year-olds, making more 19-year-olds, as quickly as possible. I see the goal of the Church making it virtually impossible for its members – as early as birth – escaping the influence and indoctrination of Mormonism.
Here is the seamless overlapping timeline and programs that have been set into place for a member’s life:
Baby blessing (infant)
Nursery/Primary/Sunday school (age 1-10)
Priesthood advancements for boys (age 11-18)
Advancements for girls (age 11-18)
Temple baptisms for the dead (age 11-18)
Seminary beginning in Jr. High through HS (age 14-18)
Mission calls in HS (age 18)
Temple endowments/covenants/garments (age 18)
Missions/find spouse (age 18-20)
Dating/Institute (age 18-20)
Temple marriage/sealing (age 18-20)
Raising children (age 19+)
Callings/serving (life time)
Couple missionaries (2) (Retirement)
It’s Womb to Tomb! Cradel to Grave! A lifetime of Mormon indoctrination and practical living. There are practically no gaps in that timeline for personal exposure to alternative philosophies or other faith traditions. A Latter-day Saint is enveloped throughout his or her life in the unique lifestyle of a high-demand, performance-based religion.
This is a model for the LDS Church needing to be in the lives of its members, 24/7. This is external pressure – molding people into how their lives should be. But I believe that an external force like this religious-business institution should not be reaching into personal relationships. Instead, developing relationships between young people should be more natural and organic, and in its proper unrushed timing.
Once again, I see this new announcement from President Oaks as a sign of desperation. It’s a reaction to the trending circumstances of shrinking church membership. The LDS Church claims 17 million members but never deducts the numbers of excommunicated or resigned members. With a high rate of inactivity, the true active participating number is somewhere around 20%, which realistically equates to only 3-5 million members. If the Church was honest about its reporting, it would state all of that. But it isn’t, so it won’t.
Anyway, getting back to President Oaks surprising comments. I hope this is a wake-up call for parents to protect their children from making foolish marriage decisions, just because their prophet-leader told them. Why would Oaks set a precedent for elders and sisters to start pursuing romance while on their missions? Will they start having “missionary mingles” during Zone Conferences? Will Mission conferences now include speed dating sessions? Will you be seeing ward announcements like – “Elder Young’s homecoming and engagement party in the Cultural Hall this Saturday”? Of course! I’m kidding!
But I’m sure the church’s missionary committee is scrambling to determine these boundaries for better clarification. I’m guessing that Mission presidents will be dealing with a lot of counseling and even disciplinary action resulting unfortunately in missionaries going home early. It could be detrimental in many ways. It will encourage competition and jealousy between missionaries. Lots of flirting and possibly physical contact, even kissing or more. Missionaries trying to sort out their feelings of what’s appropriate and what it not. I have a feeling that mission president’s interviews will be taken up with a lot of confessions and dating advice. You’ll have one missionary thinking the Spirit is talking to them about another missionary, who could possibly be their future eternal mate. Lots of texting and secret meetings. I heard someone recently ask – are missions now going to be the new dating app. To be honest, some of these kids have never even been on a date before. And they won’t be getting close parental advice and guidance on who or what to look for in a marriage partner.
Psychological, sociological, and medical studies have shown that ages 18 to 25 is a developing phase, where kids aren’t fully mature adults yet. They are shaping who they are. They aren’t ready to enter a lifetime contract with another human being. They need to date around to know what kind of person they are looking for and what kind of person they are. Until their mid-late 20’s, the prefrontal cortex of the brain (which involves planning/decision skills) is among the last to mature. Their sense of self and the brain have not yet fully developed. But when you belong to a high-demand, fundamentalist religion, it forces these young people to buy early into the system. And then eventually to some degree feel trapped and unable to step away. Young people in their 20’s should be experiencing valuable time for self-discovery, self-development, and self-identity.
Times have changed and families can’t afford to be big. They can’t even afford to buy homes anymore. Currently, the church has had very limited financial commitment toward subsidizing the missionaries. I believe this will need to change in the future. With its wealth, it could easily pay at least for missionaries living accommodations – if not all the expenses of the missionary service.
Marrying too young is not good for a person’s mental health. It reduces the chances for one or both partners to complete a college education or needed training. You need to earn money to feed a growing family. Early marriages could lead to increased marital and child violence. This approach from the Church is not about the well-being of its members, but the growth and stability of the church. By making this change, it puts parents on notice. They have now been warned by Oak’s statement that they are sending their daughters into vulnerable circumstances, where they are not as safe as they once were. When they were not allowed to consort with the opposite sex on their missions. I’m sure the missionary committee is scrambling to determine these boundaries for better clarification.
I just hope and pray that God will protect these young Latter-day Saints from making premature decisions and life choices. I’m sure there will be more to be said and debated about this controversial subject.
In the meantime, thank you for watching. You can find more videos like this on You Tube or at TalkingtoMormons.com.
God Bless!